I take it where I can get it...
God works in some pretty mysterious ways. Sometimes it can be pretty scary because His awesomeness (if thats a word), comes at the most unexpected moments. And it is in those little or big moments that you are really thankful that God is on your side and not the devil, because The Devil is Bad... as The W's would sing. Throughout my days I am finding the little things that God is so involved in and this is a good thing because it means that my walk with God is going pretty good. He gets me to and from places in a safe manner. He is constantly bringing ideas and past events to my mind to remind me of His presence in that situation. He has given me a job that I absolutely love, not necessarily the place in which I work I love but you have to start out somewhere. Lately I have been finding myself thanking God for the work that I do. Sometimes in medicine, especially oncology some not so cool things happen, and all you can really do is just be there with a patient. Holding their hand when a doc is giving bad news, and then comforting them when it is truly sinking in. Somehow my presence just means the most important thing to them, I do not understand it but there is so much uncertainty with medicine. I look forward to the day that I will in a hospital that I love with people that are great to work with. I also look forward to furthering my nursing career. I would love someday to do home health care or hospice. I did an internship type thing my last semester in college with a hospice agency. There is something about being with a patient on their own turf that is so much different than in the hospital. There are those certain individuals that really like to be in the hospital who are drug seeking or need a warm bed. However, for the most part no one really like to be in the hospital. Patients who are discharged home just love that feeling of being able to go home. The other day I was trying my hardest for a patient to be discharged home with physical therapy through a home health agency. But the problem was social services was already gone amongst many other things going on. In all the madness this husband and wife were able to go home. As they were leaving I found out that it was their 53rd wedding anniversary that day. They were so happy to be able to go home and be together. It was so sweet and made me tear up a little.
For the last month and change I have been pretty seriously contemplating moving. I want to get my year in at the hospital before doing so, which my year would be ending on June 27, 2007. I recently put my resume on a job posting website and put in various states that I had been thinking of moving to, one of which was Oklahoma.. I am not sure why anybody in their sane mind would want to do such a thing, but hey I do... jk Jon. I receive a lovely phone all at about 9ish in the morning from a hosptial in Oklahoma offering me a job to work there. I had to decline it at the time with every ounce of my being because I could not leave now. I then took my resume of the website because I was not expecting that quick of a reply from anybody, but it happened. My serious contemplations of relocating have been geared toward Oklahoma. I am not trying to offend anyone with this entry that is near and dear to me in Ohio, but I am 23 years old and I would really like to expand my wings in a different place. Medina has been great but I was not able to build relationships here like I was hoping I would be able to do. The people that I work with are not such great influences and party entirely too much for me to even entertain the thought of going out with them. I work and come home to my kitty everyday. I have family around which is great but they are not people that I can particularly relate to all that well like I have been able to with other people. During most of my college stay at Malone my friendship with Steph has been pretty much my saving grace. She is living in Okie now. And yes, Oklahoma also just happens to have this boy that I happen to love living within its borders, but he is not my main purpose in leaving Ohio. Many people will think such things, but let them think that all they want, its not true. Why cant I move to Oklahoma or wherever for me? Is that such a bad thing? So, I will not be close to my family. I do believe that is why our Lord created phones, email, trains, and airplanes. Just because I were to move does not mean I am going to shun or never talk to my family, in fact I may talk to them more often. And if life does not work out down there, then I will go somewhere else. Trust me I am praying about this and have been for a while; but there are odd doors creeping open I never expected to be this way. There are a select few who know of my thinking thus far, now alot of people are going to know. And I know that my phone will be buzzing because of it. This is huge for me to be thinking about. I had issues moving to Medina, and now out of state. And if it is Oklahoma that I move to, that means that I am going to have to drive that bloody 14 hour drive = 994.1 miles... oh my goodness, I am crazy.

Good evening to all! Tonight I am watching the Golden Globes and drinking some fun Australian wine. I have the day off work today which is a much needed day off. A couple night ago at work was a good day at work until about 9:30pm. I experienced my first code blue on my own patient. The results were not good at all. This experience pretty much scared the crap out of me. I was shaking and did not take the experience well. After all was said and done for about a 10 minute period I did not want to be a nurse. However, I went back to work the next day and all was well with my soul. That night I did not go back to my apartment, I just could not be alone. I spent the night at one of my secretaries place, Colleen. It helped to talk it all out with her, someone who was there when all this was going on. We had a great time that night too. It was a nice stress relief. From this experience I learned alot. Just in the report I give to on coming nurses and also when I receive report. Also, I think I learned to have alot more compassion with my patients, not that I did not have it before, just to spend more time with them than I already do. From doing this you never know how much of a difference this could make in a patients life.
I decided to start writing again. This is definitely an over do decision for me to make. I have needed to get into doing this for sometime, but I kept putting it off... something I am very good at doing. I bought a beautiful leather celtic journal that smells quite nice this evening and made my first entry. There has been so much going on inside of my tiny head for such a long time and have had no way of getting it out and now I finally do.
It feels like there has not been a whole lot happening in my life until late. I had a great uncle pass away recently. Everyday I work there is something crazy that happens, good or bad. A big majority of the happenings in my life lately have been decisions I am making about my future. Yes, I know, I can make decisions and plan things till I am blue in the face but it is God that makes the ultimate decision. Well, good thing I am praying like crazy for some doors to open.
God has been teaching me alot of things lately. One of the many things is that it is possible for me to open up my heart and life again to somebody else. I never really thought I would I ever meet somebody again and was kinda okay with being single for possibly the rest of my life. However, God just has this way of being some mysterious and random like that. And honestly, I am pretty thankful for this crazy intervention in my life. Yes, this is right everyboday, I am crazy and so is Jon. And the good thing is that we recognize this craziness and embrace it fully. However, the only problem that is happening in this situation between Jon and I is the face that he is in Oklahoma. Yeah a whole 994.1 miles from here. The good thing about this situation between us is that he is coming here to Cleveland in March.
Now that I have made this entry entirely too long I think I shall go and clean around this apartment. I guess I just had too much to say since it has been a while since I blogged.

Free at last, free at last, thank God almighty we are free at last...